How to Move On from Your Ex-Girlfriend You Still Love

Dealing with a breakup is never a walk in the park, especially when you're still deeply in love with your significant other. The aftermath may involve revisiting past conversations, browsing through their social media, or experiencing a constant feeling of emptiness that affects your daily routine. This type of mourning is unique and often goes unrecognized because it's easier to dismiss it with cliches like "There are plenty more fish in the sea."

Moving on is not about deleting the past or denying the importance of the relationship. Instead, it involves separating your life from theirs in order to regain independence. This requires patience, hard work, and a willingness to endure discomfort for a period of time. If you find yourself trapped in thoughts like "what if" and "if only," this practical guide can assist you in navigating the journey of releasing, recovering, and ultimately moving forward.

Accept the reality of the situation

The initial hurdle one must face is often the most challenging: acknowledging that the relationship has truly ended. When strong emotions are still present, it is natural for one's mind to search for possible ways to reconcile. It may be tempting to believe that the person will return once they recognize their error or that a simple adjustment on your part will fix everything. However, clinging onto this hope can be harmful, as it prolongs the healing process by keeping you in a state of uncertainty.

It may be difficult, but it is crucial to let go of any hope for reconciliation. Take a moment to reflect on the reasons why things ended and consider writing them down. Sometimes our minds tend to glorify the past, only remembering the good times and disregarding the conflicts, differences, or hurt. Seeing a written account of the reality can serve as a reminder to move past idealization.

The importance of 'No Contact'

Continuously revisiting a wound will not allow it to heal. In today's digital era, this may involve constantly viewing her Instagram posts, messaging her while under the influence, or inquiring about her well-being through mutual acquaintances.

Enforcing a firm 'No Contact' policy is crucial. This is not a tactic to elicit longing from her; it is a measure to safeguard your own emotional well-being.

• Block or mute social media: Seeing her face pop up on your feed releases a dopamine hit followed by a crash. Stop the cycle.
• Delete the number: If you don't trust yourself not to text at 2 am, remove the temptation.
• Avoid places she frequents: For a while, steer clear of her favourite coffee shop or the pub where you know her friends hang out.

The absence of noise allows for introspection and the chance to listen to one's own thoughts, instead of being constantly influenced by someone's presence (whether online or in person).

Rediscover who you were before her

Compromise is a common aspect of relationships. As time passes, it's possible that you may have assimilated certain aspects of the other person, such as their interests, social circle, or weekend plans. However, now is a good opportunity to rediscover and embrace the parts of yourself that may have been neglected.

What activities did you enjoy before meeting her? Were you a fan of five-a-side football, or perhaps painting? Did solo hiking bring you joy? Revisiting these hobbies can help reconcile your past and present self. It serves as a reminder that you were whole before the relationship, and continue to be so now.

Instead of dwelling on past memories, consider trying new hobbies. The aim is to create a fulfilling and busy life where there is less space for overthinking.

Allow yourself to grieve (but put a timer on it)

Suppressing your emotions may seem like a quick solution, but it can have lasting negative effects. It's important to allow yourself to feel and express your emotions in healthy ways. If you need to cry, don't hold back. If you're feeling angry, release it through physical activity, such as hitting a punching bag at the gym. Pushing down your emotions will only lead to their eruption later on, possibly at an inconvenient moment.

Although it's important to allow yourself to feel terrible, it's also crucial to recognize the distinction between grieving and wallowing. Consider setting boundaries around your sadness by giving yourself a designated time each day to fully experience those emotions. This could include activities such as writing in a journal, listening to sad music, or simply allowing yourself to be sad. However, when the time is up, motivate yourself to engage in something productive like washing dishes, taking a walk, or calling a friend. This will help train your brain that sadness is just a temporary visitor and not a permanent resident.

Rebuild your physical environment

The environment you are in can strongly evoke memories. If your apartment remains unchanged from when she used to visit every Friday, it can feel like a museum showcasing your past relationship.

You don't have to move house, but you should change things up.

• Rearrange the furniture: Change the layout of the living room or move your bed to a different wall.
• Box up the reminders: Put the photos, the gifts, and the hoodies she left behind into a box. You don't have to throw them away yet if you aren't ready, but get them out of your line of sight. Put the box in the loft or give it to a friend to hold onto.
• Buy new bedding: It sounds trivial, but sleeping in fresh, new sheets can symbolize a fresh start.

Lean on your support system

Many men find it difficult to share their feelings about heartbreak, worried that it may make them seem vulnerable or too emotional. However, being alone hinders the healing process. It is important to remember that your loved ones are there for you and want to be supportive, but they won't know how to help if you don't communicate your struggles to them.

There's no need to constantly analyze the end of your relationship whenever you come across your ex. Support can take various forms, such as getting lost in a good movie, sharing a drink, or simply playing video games. Or it may mean breaking the 'No Contact' rule with a late-night phone call. Just be open and truthful about what will truly help you.

Focus on self-improvement, not revenge

There is a common saying about achieving a "revenge body" or receiving a "revenge promotion." While anger can be a strong driving force, using bitterness to fuel your progress can be draining. Instead, prioritize self-development for your own benefit.

Utilize your anxious energy by engaging in physical activity. This will trigger the release of endorphins, serving as natural mood enhancers. Shift your attention towards your professional growth or academic pursuits. Expand your mind by reading literature that challenges your viewpoint. By bettering yourself, you also boost your self-confidence, which may have been diminished during the breakup. It's important to recognize that your value is not dependent on someone else's validation.

When to seek professional help

At times, simply relying on time and avoiding distractions is not sufficient. If several months have elapsed and you continue to struggle with daily tasks due to the weight of grief, it may be beneficial to consult a therapist or counsellor for support.

Seeking professional support offers a non-judgmental environment to unravel the intricate web of feelings. It can pinpoint recurring tendencies in your connections and equip you with coping skills that may not be available from peers. There is no embarrassment in acknowledging the need for assistance in navigating a significant life change.

The final step: Indifference

One sign that you have truly moved on is when you no longer harbor any negative feelings towards her. While hate can still be a strong emotion that keeps you connected to her, feeling indifferent signifies that she no longer has any influence over your emotions or your daily life.

Someday, her name or picture may cross your path again, and you will no longer feel a sharp ache in your heart. Instead, you will recall the love that once was with a gentle gratitude for the lessons it brought, rather than a desperate longing to relive it. You will come to understand that she was just one chapter in your life, not the entire story.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long does it take to get over an ex you still love?

Heartbreak has no predetermined timeline. Its duration is influenced by various factors such as the length of the relationship, the depth of emotions involved, and the manner in which the breakup occurred. While some individuals may heal in a matter of months, others may take a longer time. The key is to focus on making progress rather than adhering to a specific deadline.

Can we still be friends?

Following a breakup, particularly if you are still in love, it is generally unwise to pursue a friendship. This can cause boundaries to become unclear and can prolong feelings of hopefulness. It may be more beneficial to take ample time for self-healing before considering a friendship. Revisiting the idea of being friends can be done at a later time, once any lingering romantic emotions have dissipated.

Is it okay to date other people to forget her?

Frequently, individuals enter into "rebound" relationships, although these connections tend to cover up the hurt rather than actually addressing it. It is unjust to the new partner when you are not emotionally present. In general, it is preferable to wait until you are ready to date because you genuinely desire to meet someone new, rather than using them as a means to forget about a previous relationship.

Read more: How to Forget an Ex-Boyfriend You Still Love with Practical Tips to Heal